Bagaimana Saya Berinteraksi

Menertawakan kegugupan seseorang jelas tidak berperasaan, tapi menertawakan apa yang dipikirkan orang gugup itu mengenai orang lain kadang lebih menggelikan. Even the oppressed might have some unsaid critical thoughts about loud people, and that’s what I laugh along with.

Rotasi Pemikiran

Dunia, dalam konteks planet bumi, memang berotasi dengan kecepatan seperti biasanya, tapi sekali waktu, kehidupan seolah berlari melewatimu. Semalam aku bermimpi menyelamatkan seorang pangeran dari bahaya. Atau sebetulnya tidak seharafiah itu.

Orang itu hanya seorang laki-laki biasa yang bukan figur dambaan, tidak jauh lebih tinggi dariku, bertubuh kurus, dan sedikit pesimistik. Pengalaman hidupnya tidak begitu indah, meskipun ketika bertemu dalam mimpi, ia tengah berusaha memperbaiki dan menemukan jati dirinya. Alur di mimpi itu sedikit aneh. Kalau tidak salah, aku menyaksikan kakakku menikah, kemudian aku hanya terpikir apakah nantinya aku akan pernah merasa baik-baik saja jika harus menikah. Esoknya tiba-tiba kakakku mengenalkanku pada seorang kawannya, dan orang itu melamarku. Karena bingung, aku tidak menjawabnya dan hanya sempat menggumamkan, “Hah?”

Self-Made Lyric, Banmal Song: For First Time Lovers

I just made it out of boredom. This is a song from Yonghwa and Seohyun when they were still on We Got Married and I tried to re-create an English lyric of it. Maybe some parts will sound forced to fit with the melody, but that’s just as much as my English can go, so.. heh.

It’s the instrumental version, and there we go..

LYRIC
At the day when I first saw you, I still remember how you smiled politely to me
Everyday I always feel nervous, and wondering if it’s still too awkward for you
What things I should say to you? How to make a person like you laugh happily?
I want to hold your hand, but not sure if it’s fine
Should I just stay true and being myself?

Hopefully someday we can speak banmal to each other
Even if it’s still too awkward and unfamiliar
Instead of saying ‘thank you’ politely, please talk to me in a friendlier way
Hopefully someday we can speak banmal to each other
You can just walk towards me step by step
Until you can look directly at my eyes, and say to me “I love you”

The day when we are holding hands,
it feels like my heart stop beating completely
I can not remember what I have said to you
Even now I still wonder if it’s true

I hope someday we can truly fall in love each other
When you see me, you’ll remember how happy you are
And finally we can just be honest
about things people tend to be discreet

Maybe someday we can truly fall in love each other
The day when we lean on one another
The day when I’m looking into your eyes, they’ll tell me how true your words are

Kembali Menyalahkan Diri Sendiri

The closest thing I often take for granted is my own existence.

Some people can’t take critique because of their pride.
Some people can’t take critique because of their self-consciousness.

Familiar Strangers

Please forgive me if I am being discreet. Please forgive me if I can’t let you know anything personal. I want to give more privileges for those who know me directly, getting in touch with my emotions, and seeing me with their own eyes.

Please don’t do anything obligatory, because I don’t know how to appreciate them.
Please just let us be familiar strangers.

* * *

Menurutmu, kenapa orang menutup diri? Selain karena takut pada dunia luar, kadang mereka takut mereka melukai sesuatu yang ada di luar. Mungkin mereka memang angkuh. Mungkin.

Aku membatasi diri tidak semata-mata takut pada kalian. Tapi sadarkah kalian tentang segala potensi komunikasi yang telah dicuri dari internet? Kamu tidak bisa mendengar intonasiku. Aku tidak bisa melihat bahasa tubuhmu. Kamu tidak bisa mendengar suara helaan napas panjang. Aku tidak bisa tahu apakah kata-katamu sesuai dengan ekspresi wajahmu.

Kamu tahu beberapa orang tua yang kadang menggerakkan salah satu bagian tubuh mereka berkali-kali? Seperti mengedikkan kepala atau gerakan tangan yang menyapu bagian depan dada. Bagaimana jika mereka tertawa ketika kamu sedang menceritakan kisah sedih? Masih sanggupkah kamu terus berbicara tanpa membuat asumsi negatif tentang mereka?

Aku tidak.
Pasti aku akan sempat berasumsi salah tentangmu. Pasti aku akan sempat menunjukkan gestur tak nyaman di depanmu.

Kamu tahu berapa banyak hal yang telah dicuri internet dari manusia?
Sebuah kesempatan untuk mengenal diri seseorang yang sesungguhnya.

Salam hangat untuk seluruh teman dan kenalan cyberku.

Today’s Harsh Lingual Lesson

I am aware that I am trying really hard to be different with others. I want a recognition of unique. I want to be viewed as individual, rather than a part of something. That’s why I am very stubborn when it comes down to principles. I always need a reason and value to do something. If there isn’t any, I am reluctant to do it and choose to do something else.

Today a friend of mine said I was rude when said that I don’t celebrate. I’ve hid the post, so don’t bother checking, but since the reason for removing that post isn’t to keep my good image, I don’t mind to talk about it here.

The thing is I can’t speak English that well. He actually didn’t say that I was rude when I said I don’t celebrate. It was when I mentioned ‘I don’t like being sheep’.

When I was talking about sheep, I was talking about me. I think if I do something out of obligatory and formality, I feel like a sheep. It’s because I am a person who is ruled over internal values. If you are a person who puts interpersonal relationship to priority (in other words, standards of external values), you want to establish a friendship instead of making your individuality clear. This person adapts to most setting easily. We are different types, and for this reason, I don’t see you as sheep. It’s not you who I might see as sheep, it’s me.

Well, same goes to your perspective. If you think establish a friendship is necessary, you would think I am rude – while I don’t use same frame as you..

But, yes, the dumb of me is not being aware that ‘being sheep’ is entirely negative context. It’s used to offend, so.. Stupid me.

Not even everyone is aware how our understanding of a language is a big deal. When you said wrong words, it’s wrong. You are rude. Lack of knowledge about context is out of possibility. Yet I am the one who is aware of this forget that people is not aware.

Oh, well.